Connecting in 2D - Coaching in a Virtual World
Coaching has changed dramatically during 2020. The coaches at Motion share their experiences with executive coach and partner Rachel Morris about the reality of coaching in a virtual space, along with their coachees’ reactions and thoughts about the remote coaching experience
In the first of two blogs from Rachel, we focus on the human impact of remote coaching
At the end of February 2020, 90% of my coaching work was conducted face to face. Within 2 weeks, by mid March, 100% of my client conversations were taking place in a virtual space, and clearly I’m by no means the only professional in this situation. Many of us have experienced something similar.
It was a sudden and imposed change on both myself and my clients, and now 8 months later, I thought I’d ask people on both sides of the remote coaching relationship how they are feeling about it.
With thanks to the individual clients who have kindly offered insight and experiences to us, and to the coaching team at Motion who have shared the view from their side of the room, here’s what we’ve heard…
Distractions are having a different impact
Previously during a coaching session, it may have been a waiter serving coffee, or an insistent colleague needing an answer from the coachee who created an unwelcome distraction, but now it might be a child or pet demanding attention which breaks the flow of coaching. Both coaches and coachees acknowledge that distractions are still part of coaching conversations. But their impact seems to us to have changed subtlety.
Previous distractions served to remind coach and coachee of the formality of the situation, or tended to draw the coachee back to more immediate work issues. Now distractions serve to create shared experiences and a sense of common cause.
As one coach put it “I have found there can be fewer distractions, so both myself and the coachee have been really present during our sessions. Of course there is always the time the dog makes an impromptu appearance or a child can come running into the room but we are all in the same boat and are much more understanding of our individual circumstances.”
My personal best was when the TV fell on top of my youngest as he was swinging off the cabinet during the initial lockdown. Both his father and I rushed off our calls to find his 7-year-old brother holding it up saying ‘it’s all right I’ve got this’.
So yes, the distractions during a remote coaching session may still be there, but maybe they are also somehow showing the authentic side of us, demonstrating that we are all trying to do our very best during what can be challenging circumstances.
The human connection is difficult to find
The clients we asked had a lot to say on the topic of connection. One client put it as simply as this “I miss the hello hug and the coffee!”.
Another said “The human interaction and chemistry you have from sitting across the table – which in many ways is a key part of the coaching relationship, built on trust, connection, discussion and support - is missing.”
The coaches agree. On a personal level the human connection gained from face to face contact is certainly something I miss in my work. One client, who I know feels this too, poignantly described it as “I miss the human connection in everything and discussing that I miss this via zoom can amplify the missing. Silences are harder on video and the quality of the thinking time is different .”
Mental as well as physical flexibility is necessary
Without exception, everyone we asked welcomed the flexibility the virtual space has brought with it. From the more obvious time saving created by reduced commutes or moving between meetings, through to flexibility within the session itself.
The length of time people can focus for appears to be impacted by the intensity of the screen. Both coaches and coachees have noticed a change in the way coaching conversations can be experienced in the virtual space. One client described it as follows. “While virtual coaching hasn’t changed the nature and quality of the sessions or the support given, two hours can sometimes be a long time in front of a screen, so varying the length of sessions helps”.
Many coaches including myself appear to have picked up on this, one described “if a coachee wants a break, we can just break”. I’ve been able to be very open and honest with coachees about their mental space, and have been flexible in terms of varying the length of sessions to suit them on any given day.
One client said “the style of our coaching sessions has changed, from 2-hour in person meetings, to 30 mins or 1hr virtual meetings. This works well online, allowing focused bursts of attention and energy in between meetings, and allowing a laser-like focus on specific challenges and opportunities.”
Thoughts so far
Clearly operating in a virtual space has changed the nature of the coaching experience. Counterintuitively, distractions seem to bring us together rather than disrupt our flow, but making a connection is no easy matter in the absence of physical contact. What’s required is a flexibility of thinking and approach which we are all required to develop and demonstrate as coaches, and which will remain at the fore of our skill set going forward.
In our next blog we will be looking at some of the more practical impact of remote coaching and ways to handle them, and exploring the evolution of coaching in a virtual space in 2021.
We relied on our coaches and coachees for the ideas within this blog, but if you’d like to look more broadly at research around coping with remote working, here’s a very recent article from the British Psychological Society: