A Remote Future? - Coaching in a Virtual World

As we approach 2021, we share our thoughts about some of the essential skills being brought to the fore in our coaching relationships, and look forward to a more varied coaching experience in the future

In our previous post, we focused on the human impact of remote coaching, as experienced by our coaches and coachees.  This time we’re looking at practical skills and what the future might hold.

Observation – Picking up on the non-verbal signals

As coaches we are trained to listen to the ‘unsaid’ as well as the ‘said’. This means trying to catch the subtleties of verbal and non-verbal communication. Noticing, without assuming and then trying to piece together what we see. 

Move people from 3D to 2D, and therefore only see them from the waist or neck upwards, and we lose a lot of the sources of information and data that are typically available to us. 

Perhaps surprisingly, the people we asked agreed challenges are posed here by the virtual context, but perhaps not to the extent which might have been expected. One coach described it as follows. “Body language provides real insight into how the coachee is feeling and I had assumed this would be difficult to assess over Zoom.  However, I have learnt to focus on the obvious body language and because I am concentrating solely on the coachee on the screen, I have found it easier to read the signals.” 

Focus and flow

In a slightly different way, I’ve found the switch to remote, virtual coaching to help the process.  By focusing on a screen, everything else has been blocked out and I’m giving myself permission to solely be focused on that other person. I’m listening to their language, to the rise and fall of their voice, only watching their eyes, the subtleties of their pauses, the way they move.  As a result I find I can get much, much deeper into what they mean than if that's diluted by the wider events of a more public or fluid face to face space.  I’ve found I’m able to be really focused and curious, achieving that state of psychological flow that is so beneficial for transformative coaching.

Questioning, reflecting and confirming

In response to the reduced non-verbal signals, I’ve also noticed that I am working much harder on my questioning in the virtual context, broadening out my repertoire so that I can check, clarify and confirm what I think I am seeing or hearing to be absolutely sure. I welcome this change and it’s one I intend to keep when I’m back to more face to face sessions again. 

I truly think questioning is a skill to practise – think about the intention of the question. What is its purpose? Do I want to encourage more thought, or gain clarity, do I want to encourage the individual to consider responsibility or do I want to widen thought? The purpose determines the question, and the virtual space seems to have freed up the time I feel I can take to explore my questions much more broadly. As a starting point, if you fancy practising your questions, Nancy Kline offers some great ones in her book ‘Time to Think’, or check out ‘The Book of Beautiful Questions’ by Warren Berger. 

Lots of people are ‘over’ screens

Having recognised some of the value that a “screen-to-screen” conversation can have, we have to acknowledge the costs as well.  As well as the potential barrier to reading non-verbal communication which screens create, there are other consequences of our virtual working environments.  Without doubt, many people on both sides of the coaching relationship agree that they are sometimes ‘screened out’. 

Coaches describe the intensity of focusing on the green dot, watching and listening for all the human cues that form their work. Coachees describe exhaustion as a result of time spent on screen. One coach shared this from her client, “one of my clients who did a couple of sessions on Zoom and then said she was living her life on Zoom, running her business and family life and she couldn’t face coaching virtually.  In this case, we paused the sessions until we could meet again.” 

There’s also the agreement that technology is great - when it’s working!   One coachee said, “I'm getting used to Zoom, but it is much more tiring and finding the physical space, free from interruption and with reliable connectivity in the working day for me is a challenge”. 

But, information Is more immediately accessible 

Coaches unanimously seem to enjoy having information, books and models at their finger tips, with one saying “I have loved having the physical space to be able to be able to move around if I want to or reach for a book if needed” and another “I have enjoyed having tools and prompts to hand, sort of behind the scene stuff that I wouldn’t have with me if I were meeting somewhere like a client’s office.”

I like to draw out models with clients if they come up in conversation, so I have had to battle with online whiteboards and ask for patience from people while I have learned how to do this. I’m sure we’ve all had experience of having to be patient while technology is learned ‘on the job’ this year, and I do think in general our tolerance levels for this have been quite high. 

The future

When asked if they’d prefer virtual or face to face sessions in the future without exception everyone said ‘a mix’ – in terms of forum (screen, call, sitting, walking, face to face) and session length (from 30 mins up to 2 hours). 

As one client put it, “I hugely value my face to face sessions, as they allow deeper exploration of challenges and areas for development, which ideally need longer than an hour. However, it’s extremely helpful to vary the cadence of sessions, and allow some to be shorter and focused on specific business or team problems and opportunities” 

Another wrote “I’d probably ask for a mix rather than just one or the other. I think some issues are easier to deal with online but some more sensitive or challenging issues would still benefit from face to face”. 

I believe that as long as we stay client focused, then we now have a much greater breadth of approaches available for us to employ. I am much more mindful now about asking clients “How would you like to do this? We could do a call, a walk, a short session, a long session?” than I ever was before. There’s something liberating about being able to challenge the way in which we work. 

It will remain an individual experience

As with everything, as professional coaches we remain client led, and one thing 2020 has taught us is that people experience things incredibly differently. There may be some themes, but importantly, client preferences, needs and outcomes must continue to inform how we work. 

The move to virtual has offered us a whole new space to work in, and one that is clearly here to stay to some degree. How we now utilise a wider range of methods and approaches is going to be important for us moving forward.

Ultimately, as long as we remember our work is about two focused people, being present so that the needs of one can be fully met – then whether it’s virtual, over the phone or face to face we can continue to achieve our goals.