Imposter Syndrome - our webinar Q&A responses
We received many wonderful questions at the end of our Imposter Syndrome webinar that unfortunately we didn't have time to cover but we still wanted to share our viewpoint.
What link is there, if any, between imposter feelings and wider personality traits, I.e. introversion?
Helen: The main connection is to perfectionism, particularly ‘other-oriented perfectionism’, i.e. where you perceived others expect perfection from you rather than that expectation necessarily coming from yourself. It is also correlated with neuroticism among the key personality traits.
Can you say some more about how growth mindset helps to manage the negative triggers?
Helen: Growth mindset plays a key role in showing self-compassion in making mistakes/not being perfect, learning from the experience and moving on – so not necessarily about triggers, but if a trigger for someone is about fearing making mistakes in front of other people etc. then part of the management strategy can be around self-talk, so you recognise that if you do make a mistake, it’s actually okay and part of the learning process.
Rachel: From a coaching perspective, I find one of the most helpful aspects of the growth mindset approach is the introduction of the word ‘yet’. When we add this into out thinking i.e. I don’t feel entirely comfortable in this meeting ‘yet’, or I don’t find challenging conversations easy to navigate ‘yet’, it can shift something in us. The idea of ‘yet’, suggests that there’s a possibility ‘I will’, which can be incredibly powerful in the effect it has on how we feel.
What would you recommend to say/push back against people who may trigger you in a meeting room to destabilise you and make you and other feels you don't belong?
Helen: An interesting question and one that requires a bit more information on the specific context. For me the first question is what is triggering about them for you – and actually is it anything they are doing wrong, or a link to the assumptions you are making, or even previous experience that may not be anything to do with them. In any situation I ask what is my role and what is the role of the other person, what are the assumptions I am making and actions I am taking, is it in my gift therefore to change this myself? If they are deliberately triggering you or behaving poorly then I would be suggesting polite conversations on boundaries, or clarifying you want to be heard, or politely requesting different behaviour, but this is a broad question that would need more specific discussion.
Rachel: I agree with Helen, and can see a number of different things going on here if we break it down.
1 – Noticing and responding to the trigger in the moment. This might be pausing, taking deep breaths, re-centering yourself, removing yourself from the immediate perceived threat
2 – Identifying your own assumptions that are at play – challenging whether they are helpful or unhelpful for you to hold – and reframing them, or letting go or taking action on them, where necessary.
3 – Acknowledging if values are being compromised – it’s hard to say without more detail/context, but it sounds like some values could be at play here. We can do work to get closer to understanding and articulating our values, which can be incredibly powerful in both understanding our concerns/needs and communicating them effectively to others.
4 – Another approach we can take here is to look through the lens of control, answering the questions: “What here can I do something about?” “What belongs to me and what doesn’t?” For example, others reactions may not be our responsibility.
Any advice for how you can talk about this in your workplace? Sometimes it makes me a little uncomfortable when more senior members of staff talk about imposter syndrome (which seems unfair I admit!!).
Helen: We discussed this one in the webinar. Personally I think it is a good thing when senior people express vulnerability because it creates space for others to do so; anyone can feel imposter thoughts. I encourage people to have open discussions on the topic because that helps de-mystify the topic and encourages a more open psychologically safe culture in general.
Rachel: I believe that once people begin talking about difficult things, they lessen. We know that some of the heavier emotions like fear and guilt enjoy the darkness – they breed there. So throwing light on them, looking at them and talking about them can significantly change the grip they have on us. We only have direct control over ourselves, so starting with disclosure – taking the initial courageous steps to say “This is how I feel” - is really significant. Frequently this helps other people to lower their barriers too, and then open discussion can begin. Most of us feel relieved to not be alone. But do it slowly, with kindness to yourself. Start by sharing a little with someone you do feel comfortable with and then build on it gradually.
Are there any tangible exercises you would use while coaching to support people on IS?
Helen: I don’t use any written materials per se, just the approach I referenced in the webinar in terms of understanding the concept in general and creating a circuit breaker on the thought, understanding how it manifests and is triggered for you, then working on appropriate coping strategies such as strengths and positive reframing.
Rachel: I agree. I tend to use techniques related to assumptions, beliefs, rights, reframing, values, strengths etc as they arise. So, much less “We’re talking IS here” and more responding to what is manifesting in the moment.
I'm training to be a professional coach are there any exercises I can work through with coachees and probably myself as I've certainly experienced a lot of IS!
Helen and Rachel: See above and as discussed in the webinar.
How does imposter syndrome relate to fear of failure?
Helen: Good question and the two are very closely linked – fear of failing almost underlies the imposter thoughts, because through failing at something you will be found out. Hence imposter syndrome also being closely tied to perfectionism where failure isn’t tolerated. It’s also why understanding about growth mindset is important in helping to manage it.
I have found C-ME Profiling useful in the past to understand different personalities and communication styles in the workplace
Rachel: See earlier for my thoughts about facing fear and bringing it out of the dark. The follow up approaches I would use link with Gestalt and somatic principles of bringing the person into their full physical awareness to acknowledge, understand and move through the fear. This might be of failure or any of the other many fears we can hold.
How can I help someone on my team who I suspect is feeling imposter syndrome?
Helen: I wouldn’t come straight out and say that you think they have it. I would say more to ask open questions about what is going on for them. If you experience imposter thoughts yourself it can be good to talk about your own experience as a prompt to see how that resonates with them, but don’t put people on the spot as to whether they have it or not. Open questions will enable them to share if they want to.
Rachel: I agree – I’d create psychological safety – let that person really know they are safe and contained. Use your existing relationship dynamics for this (assuming they are positive). I’d keep the questions really simple and uncomplocated and then wait. Be prepared to listen and resist the urge to respond and problem solve.
For example – ‘“How are you today? How are you really?” Then listen to their response. Allow it to run dry, then ask “What else?”. “What would help you right now?” All are powerful questions. Be gentle, easy and reassuring. The answers will come.
What are some ways to break the internal cycle of:
Imposter Syndrome/Internal Critic: 'You're not very good at this - everyone else is better etc'
Internal Coach: 'Ah, that's an imposter thought - reframe it...;
Internal Critic (again): 'Stop blaming it on imposter thoughts, you really are quite rubbish and you're using this as an excuse' etc
Helen: I would use the same process but continue trying to re-wire the brain. The inner coach and critic are neural pathways – they can be developed but, like building muscle, it takes time and multiple attempts to make the change. If self-coaching isn’t working then I would suggest a coach and doing a strengths profile to really dive more into what your strengths are and focussing on those before the inner critic steps in again. Sometimes a bit of self-distraction is key. A third party helping manage the thoughts and talking them through can make a real difference.
Rachel: In addition to the above, which I completely agree with, there’s a significant aspect of neural rewiring which benefits from us catching ourselves doing things well or differently. So, if we can build in an aspect of reflection i.e. “Look what you did today that was different”, or “You did something that you didn’t think you could do” and allow ourselves to settle on it, we strengthen that change significantly.
What are your thoughts on the different types of imposter syndrome that they use to describe people, like the perfectionist?
Helen: This would be a long answer – perhaps read Tara Halliday’s book ‘Unmasking’ which has an interesting section on different types of imposter which may be of interest?
Are there any books or online resources that you recommend to help with positive reframing/growth mindset?
Helen: Carol Dweck’s book Growth Mindset is excellent and there are some nice summary videos if you just google it.
Rachel: Agree – lots of related resources to Dweck’s principles too. Just check they’re from credible sources.