Meet Bert Stemarthe

Bert Stemarthe is the latest member of the Motion team. An aficionado of music, food and travel and a highly experienced and skilled therapist and coach, Bert takes an holistic approach to his work, and indeed his life - there’s always a multitude of things going on!

I managed to catch up with him and find out the latest news…

1. So, what are you up to this week?

This week is following a quite usual pattern.  I am coaching and seeing therapy clients online.  I also have a quite big assignment to work on which is part of my masters studies in Business and Organisational Psychology.

2. What’s the most exciting project you’re working on at the moment?

This may seem like a trite answer but the thing that excites me about my work is to see people grow and improve.  I don’t really perceive some assignments as more exciting than others, but I get excited when the magic of change and growth starts to happen.

I have some clients in both therapy and coaching who are demonstrating some really useful insights and behaviours at the moment and they are noticing these which allows us to get excited together.

3. How are you finding your clients are coping with 2021?

I have couple who are struggling and can’t wait to see the back of lockdown but then, I think most of us can’t wait to see the back of lockdown!  A lot of the people I deal with are just adapting and getting on with things.

4. How do you help them?

Covid and lockdown are things that are bigger than anyone of us.  In this regard, I’m keen to do two things with my clients.  The first is to help them be aware of the choices that they have.  Knowing we have a choice gives us a greater connection to our sense of agency.  Having choice is empowering.  

I often say to my clients that the word ‘empowering’ may have become devalued over the years – perhaps become a bit ‘self-help’ but it remains one of my favourite words.  I want my clients and coachees to feel more empowered after they have seen me than before – to feel more empowered this week than they did last week.

The second thing I help clients with is to ensure that their responses to whatever challenges they face are proportionate.  This is so important and applies to all the work that I do whether it be conflict avoidance, imposter syndrome, anxiety, stress and so on. 

5. Tell us a bit about your own background and experience

My journey to where I am today began after I graduated from university and became, somewhat by accident, (a long story) a personal trainer.  I opened one of London’s first personal training-only gyms in The City.

During a period of reflection, I realised that helping people to make a real and valued difference to their lives away from the gym gave me meaning and purpose while witnessing them be able to do a few more reps didn’t really.  I wondered how I could get more of that meaning into my life and decided to train as a therapist.

Years later I added coaching to my skillset and find that being a therapist makes me a better coach and being a coach makes me a better therapist.

My coaching and team coaching exposed me to a lot more corporate work that I wasn’t doing as a therapist and I noticed a knowledge gap, which is how organisations work and so I have embarked on a masters program in Business Psychology. 

6. How do you draw upon it when coaching?

Already, I have a much greater understanding of how organisations work.  I have just completed a module on organisational change and system design which has been illuminating.  When I’m discussing changes with my clients, I am able to draw on the theories and models of change.  I now recognise the blind spots that a lot of organisations have when they institute change and I can now help my clients to address them within our coaching.

7. How would you describe your coaching style?

My style, if I would call it a style is to be human.  I turn up as myself so if you were to meet me outside of the coaching scenario you would recognise me as the same person.  That’s very important to me.  I bring a lot of curiosity and a big mirror to hold up to my clients (metaphorically speaking of course!). 

I have always said, I ask difficult questions.  Not to make people squirm, but to make them think about their issue in a way they haven’t before.  

8. What tips do you have for executives who are struggling with stress?

The first thing I convey to people when dealing with stress, either in therapy, coaching or one of my workshops is that not all stress is bad.  Some stress is good and the fact that we are stressed about something indicates that the thing is meaningful to us.  We don’t get stressed about things that don’t matter to us!

I work to change the language around stress.  Stress is good – it is DISTRESS that is bad and prolonged DISTRESS leads to burnout. 

9. And what about control?

When it comes to control, I don’t think anyone could have put it better than Reinhold Niebuhr with his Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you don’t believe in God, you can ask the universe, it really doesn’t matter, but this is just genius in my view.  My therapy experience tells me that the biggest challenge people face when it comes to control is knowing what they can control and what they cannot.  One of the quickest routes to mental ill-health is to be trying to wrestle control over something that is outside of your control and even outside of your sphere of influence.  Knowing the difference is critical.

10. How do you manage your own mental wellbeing?

The main way I manage my own wellbeing is with psychological detachment.  I create time to step away from work and from study and just enjoy my family.  I am easy to please and can derive enjoyment from the simplest things.  I notice my mental state deteriorating when I don’t create these breaks.

The other very important thing for my own mental wellbeing is supervision.  I am in the process of recruiting my third supervisor.  I have a supervisor for Cognitive Hypnotherapy, one for EMDR and a coach supervisor.  These relationships are essential for me and my clients.

11.  What are you looking forward to most?

I’m looking forward to this summer where I’m hoping to go away with my family (who knows if it will happen?!).  I am looking forward to dinner parties.  I’m looking forward to meeting up with some friends and having a good pint of ale.  

12.  What’s the one secret you think everyone should be aware of?

I’m not telling!!